the distant future arrives, insistent

I have mixed feelings about this Friday.  It’s the end of my course, and means we likely won’t get together as a group again in the same way.  And we’re a lovely group!  Also the last meeting is in a bar where we’ll be reading out our work to students on other courses run by my tutor.  It feels pretty terrifying when I think about it, so I am just going to not.  I have a lot of work to organise this week, so that helps distract my mind from the image of I have in my head of me standing up in a spotlight, no words coming out.  It’ll be fine, I am sure.  SURE!

So the question now is what to do next.  I’ve been sending out writing to people I know, which has sparked a bit of a letter exchange – which is good, I am a fan of that.  It means also I’ve been receiving encouragement and feedback alongside the critical feedback of my tutor.  Actually that’s unfair, he is very encouraging.  Just also very clear about what he thinks.  My favourite so far has been “this starts really well, I love that bit, but then it gets boring. It’s like reading the news.” But generally apparently there’s a level of irritating self-consciousness in my writing sometimes.  I think that’s fair, though a 10 week class isn’t going to undo a lifetime of that sort of programming.

Luckily there’s a lot going on in Edinburgh, and with courses and workshops I hope to keep my momentum in writing, getting feedback and rewriting.  I’ve also applied for a mentor via The WoMentoring Project and I’m on the waiting list for another course at the University.  I plan to continue, and next week I will a) let you know how the reading goes; if I burst into flames and therefore am unable to go through with it and b) post the poems that I read out on Friday.

Incidentally, the picture above is a beautiful Edinburgh sunrise - I love that in winter, even the lazy get some morning prettiness.